How to find yourself again and put yourself at the very center of your life

Little tricks that I already tried to find yourself back (and never lose yourself again)

It happens often enough, not only to us women, to lose sight of ourselves.
It happens to give weight and importance to things that probably are really important, like the people we love, or are just functional, such as career and work.

We often work for long at challenging objectives and (even very noble) aims, civil strife, social causes or for the welfare of the people who are important to us.
We consume so much energy and dispel our forces under the weight of good deeds and at some point, one morning (or night) we wake up … and realize we are not in the center of our life anymore. We’ve lost sight of what we really are.

But what it means to “lose sight of ourself?”.
When it happened to me, it was hard to explain. To be honest, the closest people were those who really couldn’t get the meaning of my issue.
“You, always strong, always with a handy solution, always optimistic… what do you mean with I’ve lost (sight of) myself?”.

Before telling you some way to take yourself back, let me tell you one thing:

Getting yourself back to the center of your life is not an act of selfishness: it is, indeed,  the highest form of altruism. No one can fight for something or help others… once lost; you can’t be of any use to the people you love if not longer able to see where and what are the things that make you happy.

So now, let’s see what can you do to try to put yourself back at the center of your life and never loose yourself anymore.

Traveling alone

sabrina ulivi salento

Well… where else could I start from?

Also read my 7 reasons to learn to travel solo

Moments of great tension and stress and moments of boredom are two characteristics of a solo travel.

Now you might think: “What? I have to stress and get bored to find myself?”
Well … not really.
The stress is due to the attention to every detail not to get practically and phisically lost; when you can mainly rely on yourself, for the sake of yourself,  the sense of direction automatically grows.
I don’t mind seeming too negative (cause I’m not) if I say that traveling solo reminds you that at the end … you are the only person in charge of your happiness.
Everything begins and ends where you are, at the center of your soul.

And then the boredom … let’s revalue and reconsider it.
Boredom is also waiting for time to pass by and look around, doing nothing but thinking, breathing, looking around, looking inside.
Looking at yourself from the outside and, at last, being able to see yourself.

The importance of being strangers

Another reason why a solo trip can help: Because it always starts as a solo trip but in the end you won’t be alone anymore.

During several solo trips of mines, I met many passers-by that I talked with, and that I still remember as very important “strangers” in my life.
People who sat next to me in a room after a hurricane in New York or artists with whom I had dinner were able to see aspects of me that my closest friends and relatives couldn’t see and accept.

And that’s the point: often strangers do watch and listen to us without the experience filter, so without expectations and with them we automatically feel free to say what we feel about us.
A stranger will not be afraid to acknowledge your frailties because they don’t give a damn of the ideas our beloved have of us. They don’t have any.
Talk to a stranger. Listen and speak with them, no matter where you meet them.
What that person will see of you is, maybe, the most authentic “you”.

Give yourself a present

Whether you’re traveling or not, make yourself a gift. But no random gift!
Don’t just go to a super market and take a new lipstick or a cupcake.
Ask yourself: what do I REALLY would like to receive as a gift?

Think about it: if I asked you what would you give as a gift to a person you really care for, you’d probably know exactly what to answer, wouldn’t you?
But … when it comets you and what you’d like to have, you hardly have an idea. Funny, ha?

Sit down and ask yourself what would you like as a gift. Only after you have decided (or realized) what you’d like, get up and range to buy/have it.

Write down a letter

Losing sight of yourself won’t happen only once in a lifetime.
It can happen in very bad times, but also very good times, as after starting a new job where you give all of yourself, when you fall in love, when you have children.

The only guardian of your identity will only and always be you.
So today you must be the guardian of your identity in 10 years and over: write down a letter to be opened if and when you’ll  lost sight of yourself again.
I did it. When I was 16 I wrote a letter to my 30 self. After I opened and read it… I took my life back, in 3 month.
Changed job, city, EVERYTHING but my most deep self. It was nothing easy, for sure.

Write your future lost self how important you are, how much you love yourself and what are the key points in life that make you happy. Remind yourself about your deepest roots.

Write “from Your Name to Your Name with love” in the front.
Seal it and write on the envelope: whenever you’ll need me, I’ll be there.



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