Ooops, my travelmate is a Veg…

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They are a bit pale in the complexion, like sylphs. Often, but not always, pretty slim. Sometimes they are the well made-up version of the little Samara in The Ring. They are the vegetarian travelers.
They will convince you to be pure spirit, to be able to walk for hours with solar energy, not feeling any kind of physical needs.

With the same insidious ease with which they made you believe never do poop, they might even make you believe that they are never hungry. That ‘eat it or not, it’s the same to me’.
That ‘eat, no problem. For me, a biological juice will do’.

For heaven’s sake, do not believe it! Don’t fall in this stupid trick, ever!
Vegetarian women are actually dramatically similar to all other women. Just look good: their breast may be small, but the quads are hypertrophic like the runaway maidens, always struggling with the public toilets of all over the world.

Prepare yourself to the idea that at some point they will need to eat. And if they don’t have the opportunity to do so, they will become intractable, cruel, petty. Careless of of all other possible better world, they’ll mistreat you and the rest of the world so long as they will not have access to a meal. And until they’ll have tha chance to drink. Because as it may seem abnormal, the veg-backpackers can drink a lot, and because of strange evolutionary mutations, they have a liver sometimes similar to that of a 60 years-old and 87 pounds Irish man.

World forewarned is forearmed. Even today I am okay with my karma.

Let’s go to a real help. 3 rules to follow before embarking on a journey with a Veg woman.

1 – jump into the net.
If you resist the temptation to throw her in a fishing net, you can rely on a thousand destinations reported online about the best places where you can also eat. Portals as happy cow (I know, it should be boycotted just for the name, but anyhow …) are able to provide a proper mapping, country by country, of restaurants with user reviews, not just vegetarians. And that is synonymous with reliability.

2 – App-ly
There are many smart-phone app, for free or low costs, indicating what is the nearest reastaurant. This tool is also very useful for those who have any kind of intolerance, because they allow you to choose and find nearby places suited to our needs through a menu of more options. For foreign countries, one of the best app is Yelp. In Italy it is highly recommended 2spaghi, but I always opt for Tripadvisor (of course I AM THE VEG TRAVEL-MATE).

3 – Choose the right guide
The ‘problem’ of vegetarians exist, it is foolish to ignore it. So when I select a paper guide in the library (I always do, there is no app that can compete with a guide that leaves new and comes home destroyed), I go for the one that always takes into consideration vegetarians, vegans, Muslims, supersayan,  allergies, etc..

The three points above are unnecessary in places like Provence, Côte d’Azur, Salento and Puglia in general, Sicily, Barcelona and Budapest (well, yes, even Budapest). I ate well, and I’ve never had to specify or ask for anything special

And I’d add, don’t worry. A person who travels is accustomed to see and live in the most diverse situations. They won’t hate you forever if you eat a steak or a burger (in this case, they’d probably be worried for you.)
And if you realize you are with a person who does not tolerate to see her partner eating an animal … it is a true vegetarian, but perhaps not a true traveler.