Making a relationship last, despite being selfstanding.

Relationship Advice: Oooops, girls, we’re getting into a difficult (I’d say crazy) subject!
I was supposed to write, for another blog, a post about “How to make a relationship last, despite being a solo female traveler”, but then I stopped a while back, and thought that the main difficulty preventing ladies from becoming solo travellers is being self-sufficient.

Because many times being self-sufficient can be an issue for our relationships, making us look scary and almost like a loner.

So I’ve decided to widen the perspective and tell you how you can make your brand new relationship last (forever? who knows?) despite being a self-sufficient badass girl.

how to make a relationship last without losing your independence sabrinabarbante

Don’t Start in Order to Make it Last

Well, it sounds like a contradiction but I know that you, amazing ladies, get along very well with contradictions. First of all you are independent and self-sufficient, you don’t trust fairy tales but you are still looking for a great amazing love, so don’t blame me if I seem contradictory!

If you start a relationship with the idea you’re going to make it last, you’ll probably start with a lot of fears and heavy expectations, hiding some aspects of your personality your partner wouldn’t feel confident with.
That’s a big mistake!

Like when you go to a windy seaside area after straightening your hair. When the wind blows, you can’t keep your hair away from its true nature… and you are the same as your hair.

You can feel at ease with a sweet and perfectly packed appearance but as the wind will blow again, you’ll go back to show what you have tried to hide and this can cause a break and a disappointment both in your partner and in yourself, because he can’t accept your true nature.

What we generally hide at the beginning of a relationship is a part of ourselves that we know can cause stress in an affair, like being strong or getting mad like all human beings, like our wishes and deepest desires, like our attitude to fight for what we really care.

Sometimes we don’t want to scare our partner, and try to sedate something deeply rooted in ourselves, that can eventually be an obstacle for our relationships.

Be true to yourself.  How long can this lie last?

Don’t be Afraid of Yourself

solo woman looking out the window

Nothing easy, I know. The world is full of psychologists trying to make ladies understand that what they were told about being a good girl has nothing to do with being truly happy.

Many women are still persuaded that they are not good enough for a long lasting relationship. In a hidden part of their souls, they almost think that they don’t deserve it, because of all the “You are so stubborn”,  “You always want to do it your way”, “You asked for it” that they have been told throughout their lives.

And despite being very happy or at least satisfied with their lives and capacity to lead a life on their own, they are afraid to show some part of their personality, still thinking this is not good for love.
I always have this problem when it comes to solo travelling.

Anytime I want to take a solo trip, I know I’ll be blamed by anybody, family, friends and even by the people I’ll casually meet on trains/buses etc. You start talking and they are amazed by a solo travelling girl, but as soon as it turns out I’m engaged, they don’t look so admiringly anymore.

It’s as if a part of western society is slowly accepting self-sufficient women as long as they are single.

After you find love or something similar to that, you are supposed to become someone’s (future) wife. And nothing more than this.

The common sense can be summed up this way: “Hey girl, you have a man who truly loves you, what the hell are you still travelling/fighting/asking for?”

If they are afraid of you, as a self-sufficient individual, don’t do the same, don’t be afraid of yourself.
Do you know why? What other people don’t know is that there is only one person you’ll surely have to deal with for the rest of your life. Just one! Guess who?

Be a Plain Dealer, But…

woman playing with soap bubbles

Let’s say you have been dating someone for a while. Let’s say this someone is still really fond of you and wants to start a real relationship (living together, getting married, meeting parents, friends and so on). And let’s say you’d like them too.
Be as clear as possible on what are your spaces to be left just for yourself (we both know very well how crazy the consequences can be, if  you can’t find your individual life spaces anywhere, anymore).

This said, let the relationship flow, let yourself change and be changed as long as your spirit thinks there’s some good reason (person) to change for.

I think a work can be planned. A relationship should be lived, and change with you and your partner. Don’t be afraid of change. And don’t be afraid of feeling a sense of belonging. This can be more thrilling than any adventure, travel or wine!

Game Versus Trip

Most of the times, we think a new relationship is a game of chess. Like Monopoly or, better, Trivial Pursuit.

Actually, we can’t set all the rules at the beginning. A life together is more like a trip where you know the places you’d like to go to but you can’t plan a minute after minute schedule.

Because you will decide it together and because you don’t know exactly what you’ll feel like doing, when you’ll be tired or sick etc.

read

How can travels save Love
(and vice-versa)

Plan a Long Trip Together

couple in relationship looking at a landscape

For the same reasons that travelling can empower you as a solo female, in comparison, travelling can save love, and vice versa.

You can collect memories that will create a very strong bond. For sure, a long term travel is also a way to understand if your relationship is on solid ground to build on.

Together, Plan Your Individual Trips

People say that many couples split up because they have nothing more to tell to each other. Maybe it’s not totally true. Many times people are not satisfied with their life and themselves, they don’t like talking about their life because they don’t love it, and so they make this dissatisfaction fall over the couple.

In a trip we collect memories, interesting experiences that we look forward to sharing with people we love and that most matter to us. This is a way to keep the fire burning.

I know that’s simply common sense, but it works. You need courage and enthusiasm to do something like this, to plan two trips together even if you will not leave together at all.

But in the end, hoping a relationship will last (forever) is a crazy thing to dream about and fight for nowadays.

Do you have any other suggestion? And… do you really wish for a everlasting love? Tell us in the comments. 

25 pensieri riguardo “Making a relationship last, despite being selfstanding.

  • Settembre 27, 2016 in 6:36 pm
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    I would say yes, I wish for everlasting love. Yet if I’m too independent it’s an issue, and if I’m not independent enough, it’s an issue. Trying ot balance it out from person to person is a bit rough. lol.

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  • Settembre 26, 2016 in 8:54 pm
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    A great way to get to know eachother. traveling is just not about discovering places, it’s about discovering ourselves too.

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  • Settembre 23, 2016 in 9:06 pm
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    I do believe in everlasting love, the question is how to find the right person to be with forever….Love the idea of planning a trip together, because it would be a perfect way to know each other better and than decide make it or break it.

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    • Settembre 24, 2016 in 12:12 pm
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      the only way to know what’s FOREVER is getting to the end, and watching back. So, as long as the end has not come… just live and relax 😉

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  • Settembre 23, 2016 in 8:19 am
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    Extremely good tips, now am learning this more. Perfect from you. Nicely written.

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  • Settembre 23, 2016 in 3:33 am
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    These are some really useful tips. Everyone should keep these things in mind. I totally agree with you.

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    • Settembre 23, 2016 in 7:48 am
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      The first tip looks very very awsome…. thank’s to you.

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  • Settembre 22, 2016 in 11:14 pm
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    What a great post. Really makes you think. For me, I love being married and still feel independent. I think if you find the right person, it just works. As for being single, there’s nothing wrong with it, and those who think there is, should maybe get a life!.

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  • Settembre 22, 2016 in 9:45 pm
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    This is a very nicely written article. i loved your line when you wrote dont start because you have to start. I think a relationship can only be successful from both ends when both of them know and are comfortable to start and maintain a relationship and dont do it for the heck of it or for fun. Its important to wait till a certain maturity and time has gripped you to start a healthy and longstanding relationship.

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  • Settembre 22, 2016 in 6:57 pm
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    These are such great tips! Extremely useful. I love the first tip. Thank you so much for sharing!

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  • Settembre 22, 2016 in 9:35 am
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    Great advice! I totally agree with being yourself, at the end of the day there’s no point starting a relationship pretending to be someone you’re not!

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  • Settembre 22, 2016 in 1:39 am
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    If only Brad and Angelina had read this article 😉 jokes aside, brilliant advice!

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  • Settembre 21, 2016 in 6:29 pm
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    Sabrina, nice post. I think every person needs everlasting love, it’s an emotional necessity. But I am not sure whether it works for everybody.

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  • Settembre 21, 2016 in 12:45 pm
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    Planning trips together is a great idea, because it helps you understand your partner travelling philosophy better. Thanks for sharing.

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  • Settembre 21, 2016 in 9:29 am
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    I do wish for everlasting love but what stick out to me the most in your article is “Don’t start on order to make it last”. This statement really made me think because looking back, this is how my partner (now husband) and I started out. As time went by I guess I got wrapped up into it. This was a very timely reminder. Great post and thanks for sharing and empowering me.

    much love
    katrinajeancarter.wordpress.com

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